What do you first notice when meeting someone new? The answer is different for everyone. While some may be great body language readers, others may find more importance in the conversation they have when first meeting someone. But when it comes down to it, what stands out most to someone is completely dependent on the person, and this is also true for what attracts people to each other. So if you’re wondering what things guys notice when you first meet, the answer varies.
“While physical attraction is important … there are other important characteristics and when first meeting,” relationships expert and psychotherapist Dr. Gary Brown tells Bustle. “A few that are pretty much universal are: general happiness and kindness to others, confidence without being arrogant, passionate … and a sense of humor.” That being said, people look for a variety of characteristics when meeting others, and it’s often the whole package — imperfections and all — that make us seem most authentic, and therefore, easiest to connect with.
Although you should never change who you are based on other people’s perceptions, here are what a few men had to say about what they first noticed in women’s personalities upon meeting them, and some of their responses were quite unexpected, to say the least.
1
David, 39: Sense Of Humor
“I love a girl with a sense of humor, especially a woman who has a sense of humor similar to mine. If a woman shows this, I notice right away.”
2
Damon, 41: Her Relationship With Money
“… My wife was far smarter about money than me when we met, which I found incredibly sexy, and it made me want to improve to match her standard. Disagreements over money often end relationships. Better to know you’re both on the same page from the beginning.”
3
Tim, 29: Thoughtfulness
“I immediately notice how they treat the people around them: from really important people, to those who are serving them at a restaurant, or providing them any kind of service. Are they willing to go out of their way for others? That’s what’s most important to me.”
4
Timmy, 23: Confidence
“By confidence I mean, will they engage and take a risk by adding on in a back and forth, and help to drive a conversation? Or will they just laugh and smile, before looking back at their phones?”
5
Holden, 23: Charisma
“I notice if a girl seems like she can interact with various types of people, make friends easily, and be brought into new situations without me having to worry if they will be able to assimilate.”
6
James, 25: Spontaneity
“‘I’ll notice if a girl is spontaneous in the sense that she can still be fun and herself in all types of situations.”
7
Andrew, 31: Assertiveness
“I didn’t like my drink on date, but didn’t want to be rude to send it back, but my date caught wind of that and called the bartender over and explained ‘he’s too embarrassed but doesn’t like his drink, would he be able to have a different one?’ which was nice, because she was assertive.”
8
John, 22: Humbleness
“…I like when girls are a little more humble about what they have or what they do.”
9
Tedes, 25: Intellect
“I immediately notice when a girl has a high vocabulary level, and is extremely articulate.”
The main take away from this experiment? First of all, men are individuals who evaluate and take notice of different personality traits according to their own set of values. And therefore, and most importantly: no woman should alter her personality or actions based on what some men notice first! A woman is more than just one personality trait — she’s the whole package.
